Thursday, July 26, 2012

Do It Because You Can

Charlie and Beth playing in the garden
I spend a lot of time thinking about where I can snaffle some time to myself. I probably spend too much time wishing I had more time. Irony, anybody?

It seems that getting some time to myself means having to deal with the associated guilt. It's "mother's guilt" isn't it? And I wonder where it comes from, who puts this guilt on me, or do I do it myself, and how do I shake it off?

"A research team led by Roy Baumeister, PhD at Case Western Reserve University found that guilt strengthens social bonds and attachments (Psychological Bulletin, vol.115, No. 2). They found that the basis of guilt is actually the ability to feel others’ pain and the desire to maintain connection to the group."(From http://psychcentral.com/lib/2010/the-pros-and-cons-of-mother-guilt/) It is nice to think that it is actually a positive thing, but it doesn't feel good does it?

When you think about it, we all do so much, whether we are Mamas at home with our kids, or Mamas at work part-time or full-time.I suppose if you are at home, as I was for a while, you can take a slower pace, and though you may not get much time to yourself, you don't have as much of the added "rushing" that a working mum deals with.

My least favourite part of the day is when I am getting ready for work and my children need me. I'm sure their dad is capable of helping them out, but, for some reason, I'm the "go to" person first up, every time. It frustrates me. I'd like to choose what I'm wearing for the day, iron it, put it on, moisturize, maybe put on some mascara and lippy, some jewellery, my shoes, all without interruption. I can't remember when I last had a no-interruptions dressing session.

We can all tell the same story of wishing we could go to the toilet or have a shower without being interrupted by a child.

So, to be able to deal with the constant demands of motherhood, especially when our children are small and dependent, and if we spend  time working out of the home, we must have respite. I don't think we allow enough of it, do we? Finding a balance always seems too hard. You want to go for a walk in the fresh air, on the beach, anywhere, but your child needs something, or wants to come too, or you think it is more important to vacuum the floor, put on the dinner, catch up with the laundry. You think about going to a gym class, one that you know you will enjoy and will make you feel good, but when you consider how much time it will take to drive there, do the class, and be away from the family at a bad time of day, you decide it is just too hard. A friend asks you to have a drink/cuppa after work, but you feel your children need you, they've spent all day at daycare, or school, you should be at home with them, so you decline...

Does any of this sound familiar?

It certainly rings true to me. I often put myself third,fourth and last when it comes to my time. But I think it has to change. I do need respite, if I'm to function and cope. It, I, am important. Important enough to allocate some time to myself.

So here is the plan:

Get Nurtured:
Yesterday I went to acupuncture. It's over an hour of relaxing (yes, getting needles poked into you is very relaxing), and I get nurtured. My acupuncturist is a caring,nurturing woman. She gives me care that no one else can give me. I spill my guts to her - not only about intimate bodily functions, but emotional ones too. She listens, she doesn't hurry me. Then she lets me lay down and induces relaxation for me. What's not to love?

Being nurtured is very important. We,as mothers, do so much nurturing, we need some too.Get a massage, a facial,a scalp massage at the hairdressers, a manicure, whatever you feel will nurture you. And do it regularly. I go to acupuncture every two or three weeks.

It does cost money - but seriously, you are worth it, aren't you?

Spend Time With Girlfriends:
Spending time with other women is in itself nurturing and uplifting, and just so important. We need to feel connected to other women, not just our families and children - other women who identify with our lives. Every month I go out for a drink with some women from work. It's a great way to unwind and de-stress (particularly about work stresses). I also meet my fellow knitters once a month - another great way to connect with friends, and to talk about all sorts of things, and do something creative at the same time. And now that I'm back at work, I've teed up Friday afternoons(after work) to have a drink with a couple of close friends who are also working. It isn't a child free event, but it is a nice way to unwind after working all week, and a chance to connect.

Get Away every Now and Again(on your own):
I've always felt it is important to go away by myself, for me and for the family. It is healthy for them to have a couple of days to "fend" for themselves, to have Daddy as their "go to" guy, to do fun bonding stuff with their dad. I know it isn't easy to get away, but it is worth the effort. And everyone loves it when you come home refreshed and so excited to see them. I haven't done it for ages(especially since Charlie was born), but these past holidays I did, and it was lovely. I have a knitting club weekend in about a month.Can't wait.

Make Time For Exercise:
As much as this one is one of those things we all know is super-important, it's still very hard to make happen. I find it really difficult and I know how much better I feel if I get some. So, I've tried to organise it to fit in with coming home from work.That way I don't have to worry about childcare, and I really have no excuses (as I always find some when I get home). So I'm stopping at the pool two afternoons a week to swim laps. I love it - it feels great and is relatively easy. I also go to a Yoga class which is on a Sunday afternoon,every two weeks, which is a great time. I love what yoga does for me - it's so much more than physical. However,I still can't seem to fit a regular yoga practice into my day... I know I still need to do more exercise, but it's a work in progress.

So just DO IT (sorry, that sounds like an ad for running shoes). Make yourself a priority. You deserve to feel good, rested,relaxed and well. And your family will benefit from it too.

Now, I just need to take my own advice.

Got any good ideas?

Monday, July 16, 2012

Quick and Easy and Healthy and Paleo friendly dinner

I went away for the weekend, on my own, which I highly recommend for any busy hard working mama. It was a pleasure to drive a long distance in the car all by myself. I could listen to the music of my choice, or boring radio (which isn't boring to me)and not have anyone else bother me with their needs. Oh, lovely loveliness!

Having said that, I am refreshed and very happy to come home to my lovely family, who, by their delightful reactions to my arrival home, obviously missed me and were happy to have me come home. It sounds like I was away for a week, but it was only two nights!

 Anyway, I stayed with my dear friends, the Gospers, on Friday night and Rhiann made a really delicious Vietnamese chicken recipe for us. It was divine. But I am not posting that recipe today, I will save it for another day. However, she inspired me to try cooking Vietnamese food more often. It is so fresh and flavoursome. So I had some beef stir fry strips, and found a recipe on the net. I am sorry I can't credit the original site I got it from, as I can't remember. I added some bok choy I had from the garden, and I didn't have time to marinade the meat for long, but it was still very tasty. I served it with rice for the kids, but had it sans rice myself, which makes it Paleo friendly apart from the honey, but I'm not worried about a bit of honey. I also skipped the chili because of the kids, but I reckon it would have been nice with some chili in it.

Here it is:

 Vietnamese beef stir fry

 Serves 4

Ingredients: 500g thin cut beef sirloin without fat or sinew
1/3 cup honey
 4 Tbs soy sauce (2 for the marinade, 2 for the stir fry)
2 Tbs shao hsing wine or sherry
2 Tbs minced ginger (2 for the marinade, 2 for the stir fry)
1 Tbs oyster sauce
2 Tbs chopped hot red chillies
2 Tbs orange juice 2 tsp five-spice powder
1/4 tsp toasted sesame oil
Coconut or macadamia oil
1 small onion, peeled and thinly sliced
1 carrot, peeled and cut into matchsticks
 cloves garlic, minced
200g fresh snow peas
4 Tbs spring onions, slice


Method:
Slice the steak into thin strips, making sure to cut the strips against the grain.

Set aside in a plastic bag mix together the honey, soy sauce, shao hsing wine (or sherry), ginger, oyster sauce, chillies, orange juice, five-spice, and sesame oil.

Add the thinly cut beef and massage to be sure all the beef is well coated. Refrigerate for two hours, or overnight.

 Once the beef has marinated heat a wok, or large skillet, over medium-high heat.

Add 1 tablespoon of the oil and heat until it shimmers.

Add half the beef and allow searing for thirty seconds before stirring. Cook until the beef is brown, about 1 min, remove from the pan.

Add the remaining beef and cook until browned.

Return the first batch of beef to the wok and increase the heat to high. Cook until the beef is coated in a sticky, caramelized glaze, about two min.

Remove the beef from the pan and rinse the wok.

Return the wok to medium-high heat and add the remaining oil. Heat until it shimmers then add the carrots and onions. Cook, stirring constantly, until they begin to soften, about two min.

Add the ginger and garlic and cook for thirty seconds, or until fragrant.

Add the snow peas and the soy sauce and cook for two min or until the snow peas are bright green and tender.

Add the beef to the wok and toss well.

Serve over cooked jasmine rice with green onions as a garnish.

Enjoy!

Monday, July 9, 2012

Why I Work

I suppose it is a "no-brainer", most of us work to earn money. That's the biggest reason to go out to work isn't it? But having had a chance to think about it as I strolled on the beach yesterday morning, I realise, for me, going to work is about much more than the money.

I've also loved my role as a "stay at home mum", because I do love being at home, I love nurturing - my family, my garden, my home.And if I wasn't a super-consumer, like most Australians, then I could perhaps afford to be at home full-time.But there's more to working than just the money.

Here's why I like going to work:
  1. I can be appreciated for the work I do. That's not to say that I don't feel rewarded and appreciated at home, but, the appreciation is shown, most obviously, through a pay-slip I receive fortnightly. My colleagues and employer also show appreciation for what I do, as do my clientele (occasionally!They are teenagers, after all).
  2. I get to spend time with adults. I can do that at home too, but not as much. Our conversations are interesting and stimulating. We share a common goal and work together (for the most part). I really do like many of the people I work with, enjoy their company,and we laugh all the time.
  3. I get to dress up in nice clothes. Okay,  that sounds shallow, but I admit it, I love clothes, I love textiles, and love having an excuse to buy clothes and shoes. I've always loved textiles, since I was a little girl. My mother is a keen crafter and seamstress, so I was exposed to fabric at a very young age. My mother gave me a treddle sewing machine when I was eight, and I spent many happy hours designing and making doll's clothes. I was pretty good, and soon the neighbourhood children were paying me to sew an outfit for their doll! At university I would earn extra cash sewing ball gowns for my friends. I don't have a lot of time to sew now, but still love all things fabric,patterns and sewing notions. Now I have to buy clothes for work,and it is one of the things I love. I love getting bargains from the op-shop and tend to buy most of my clothes from Ebay. Although I have more than I need, at least I'm trying to recycle!I suppose I could dress up in nice clothes if I wasn't working, but I don't think I could afford to, nor would it feel justified.
  4. I also do love my job as a teacher, so going to work, and doing what I do is stimulating. My brain is being used.I practice the skills I've gained over the years. I get pleasure from doing it well.

As for why I don't like going out to work outside of the home - that's a whole other post.

Saturday, July 7, 2012

Helloooo...I'm over here now.

It didn't seem right, nor have I had time to post in, a blog called "angie at home", because now I'm spending 4 days at work!

I can't say it is the perfect balance, but I can say I'm really happy to be back working, and although time is always lacking for the things I like to do, things are okay.

This new blog is about finding a balance. It's about how to cope with being mama,wife,house-keeper and holding down a job (or even a "career" if you like). It's about short-cuts to keep a girl sane. It's about loving what you do as  much as you can, even if you feel stretched.

Hopefully, I'll make some time (yep- recipe coming right up...ha ha) to post more often in the blog. Perhaps I'll even take some new photographs.

So, welcome to the new blog.